I like to think that I have a pretty good command of my mother tongue. At more than one job I have had in the past, I was the guy to whom everyone went for spelling and grammar checks. So I thought Scrabble on my iPod Touch would be a swell way to pass the time when I wanted to play a portable game. 

One thing I wish the game had, however, an option to stick with only English words. On the second game I played the computer opponent was throwing down some words I had never before heard - or not accepting words that many people have. Pardon me for not know “aa”, the Hawaiian word for cindery lava. Or not knowing that you accepted the “qi” spelling of “chi”, but not “xhi”. Something tells me more people have heard of a karate “gi” than “qi”. And what the hell is an “eth” or “ort” or “zyzzyva”? The rules in regards to what words are or are not allowed seems quite arbitrary to me. 

I want to enjoy the game, but it seems I will continue to be penalised for not knowing things like the currency of Vietnam, the name of a Eurasian antelope or rituals performed by Hindu holy men - or not be able to put in words that plenty of everyday schmoes know and use, like “shuriken”.